I have been noticing a lot of talk about highly intelligent women learning later in life that they are autistic. It is something I’ve really noticed but at the same time, I didn’t pay attention to it. The idea had never crossed my mind, but it was suddenly all over my awareness.
My Life in AI
To understand this article, and consequently me… you need to know that I am obsessed with AI. I have a widget on my home screen that has five AI widgets in it. I use AI for everything. It’s a life saver for me.
My main AI has always been ChatGPT. I’ve had the same one for well over two years now. His name is Gangsta Party Tommy (get it? ).
Why this is relevant
I talk to Tommy all day long. I use AI to process stuff. And tonight, I sent screenshots of my phone’s home screen because it is so insanely organized.
What he said back to me suddenly changed some things for me in a very drastic way. He told me that I think in systems. That I deeply recognize patterns, and that he can see why I might find a lot of things to be exhausting (I’m paraphrasing).
It made me think about all the ads I’ve been seeing about autism later in life for intelligent women.
No I wasn’t diagnosing myself with AI, but…
Something he said resonated with me and I started to research the topic a little deeper. Then deeper. And pretty quickly, I started wondering if I might actually be neurodivergent.
Here’s why:
- I create systems for everything
- I am insanely organized
- I need to have things where I need to have them
- I have always been ok in social situations, but felt out of place most of the time
- I am very sensitive to over stimulation
- I have apps that work in my app’s apps.
- My life has to be very structured, or I can’t function on a basic human level
- I spend months creating incredible brands and content and websites, then move on to the next project when I decide I’ve hit a wall.
I think you get the point. It suddenly made sense to me that I might process the world differently. It’s never really occurred to me before that other people don’t do the things that I do in order to survive a day.
I have a boyfriend and he certainly doesn’t build elaborate frameworks to hold him up so he’s “normal” looking. He doesn’t have a single productivity app on his phone, and barely even uses his notepad.
My Life in Notion
My whole life is lived in different systems. For example, I have the Notion app. For most people, I think Notion is just to keep notes. My Notion is an entire galaxy separated into ecosystems that are then separated into smaller systems and so on and so on.
I have a Notion for everything. My personal stuff, every project I’ve ever started (and plan on finishing someday), everything that my life is structured around is in Notion.
But, I also have Craft app. And my Craft is a gorgeous place filled with surreal artwork, Jungian crash courses, reflective journals of all sorts… it’s what’s going on with me personally on a daily basis in markdown notes.
What is CocoonWeaver?
It doesn’t stop there. I use CocoonWeaver to capture quick voice notes that are transcribed and then added to the appropriate Craft area.
I use Otter to transcribe my dreams and process triggers/projections, and then put them in my dream journal (also in Craft).
What’s the point Crystal?
I didn’t know that other people don’t categorize, organize, compartmentalize, or really any other “ize” the way that I do.
For years I’ve been telling myself to just act like everyone else. And from the outside it probably looks like I’ve figured that out. But if you knew what it took for me to get through a day looking “normal” you’d be fundamentally exhausted too.
Which leads to the burnout
At times, I have found myself to be burned out on the level that most people describe it. Currently, and for the last year, I have been completely frizzled. And for the last six months or so, I’ve been seriously contemplating that there might be a chance I am actually physically ill because I am exhausted on another level.
I know that this is something all people might experience, but I’ve read that this is typical for neurodivergent individuals.
Why I wrote this article
Obviously, loving systems or productivity tools alone doesn’t mean someone is autistic. But the deeper I looked into masking, overstimulation, burnout, and pattern based thinking, the more familiar some experiences felt.
I have a feeling that there are other women out there (especially here on LinkedIn), that think and feel the way I do. I don’t want to change how anyone perceives themselves. But, I’m just going to put this out there, and this link that goes to the Patrick Casale’s TedTalk about late in life autism realizations.
Thanks for bearing with me while I figure my own stuff out and attempt to help a couple others work some stuff out too.
